Boobs. As Julia Roberts says in Notting Hill “every second person has them”. Some of us are “lucky” enough to have big ones. I’m 5 foot 2 and I have size 30GG. Yes. If you know what that means (I’m assuming female readers, and possibly some men will) you’ll know that on a small frame that’s quite big. Hell, even on a tall frame 30GG is big. I’m sure that those of you who are less well-endowed are scoffing now, thinking people pay money to have boobs that size. Well, here’s what big boobs mean to me.
It means I have to be really careful what I wear and frankly, with one single exception, this year’s penchant for 70s style voluminous tops has left me with hardly anything to choose from in the wardrobe department.
It means finding nice bras is hard. Although not as hard as it used to be. I just buy Freya bras now because I know they fit. I’ve flirted with other brands (I shop through Bravissimo so try theirs every now and then) but I now know that the underwire has to be just right and that once a season Freya will bring out one that is just perfect, doesn’t dig in and will be pretty and supportive. (Even within the Freya brand all bras fit differently). Even when you’re a B cup you’re relieved to get the bra off at the end of the day. Imagine my relief. It’s a toss-up between which comes out/off first – contact lenses or bra. This, however, does limit my choice in colours etc., but I can normally get something I like every 3 or 4 months and put 2 or 3 on rotation at a time. Don’t even get me started on the most ugly of bras, sportsbras… black, white or neutral madam?
It means dresses don’t fit. I used to buy a size up and put up with the fact the waist and hips were too large, or get it altered, which is a bit of a pain basically unless you know/are a good seamstress. Now I buy most of my dresses from Pepperberry, part of Bravissimo, who make dresses in normal dress sizes but with the option of the top half being “curvy”, “really curvy” and “super curvy”, a genius idea, although not necessarily cheap, especially if like me you wear dresses for work. However, if you are having the same problem I urge you to try them. Tops, dresses and jackets will never be an issue again. I have also found Phase 8 dresses particularly flattering, because lots of those are made of jersey and I grab some of those in the sale each season. Price per wear, I definitely get my money’s worth.
And so we come to bikinis, the reason for this post. Last week I ordered 3 bikinis from Bravissimo. (6 tops for size, 3 bottoms) £275. Yes. Two hundred and seventy five pounds. Those small boobs aren’t looking so bad now are they? I ordered the same size bra size I usually have, plus a cup size bigger. Not a single one fit. Not even close. I was distraught. Why is it so difficult for manufacturers to agree to standard sizes? I know that clothes sizes are different depending on where you shop, but WHY? It’s soul destroying and bloody annoying. Not to mention a pain in the backside. I ordered them to try at home because it’s a nicer environment and often they don’t have the sizes in the shop. But for god’s sake why do they have to differ so much across the brands? Even my favourite brand, Freya’s bikini is a different size to my bra.
MrS suggested trying Rigby and Peller. Very kind of him by I’m not spending £150 on a bikini. £70 is bad enough, and for a fortnight’s holiday you need at least 2.
So I thought I’d look at M&S. This is where I got really mad.
M&S have a specific range of bikinis called “D-GG”. Brilliant I thought, things are moving on.
Then I looked at the photos. LOOK AT THE PHOTOS!
DOES SHE LOOK LIKE A D-GG?? FOR THE LOVE OF BOOBS!
Why, why, why Marks and Spencer? Why do you not show the bikinis modelled by a woman who actually HAS a D cleavage? Or an E, F or G cleavage? Do you think I think I will look like that in that bikini? Do you think I WANT to??
Look, I’m not skinny shaming. I think she looks lovely BUT ‘I’ will not look like that in that bikini, however much I would wish I did, and it’s me this range is aimed at. I’m assuming they make the same bikini for smaller ladies, but why are M&S so lazy that they can’t be bothered to take a photo of a DD woman wearing it for that page? Because that’s what it is. Laziness. And stupidity. All M&S have done is alienate a customer.